Okay, today was a rough day for me. I had been doing well. Almost in a state of calm the past few weeks, but today as I looked at the calendar and realized that we are down to the last month with Jayson here, I got a little, lets just say, irritable. All my worries and fears hit me hard and at once, and I felt like a walking nightmare most of the day. Jayson was busy much of the day tending cattle and fencing, trying to get everything ready for a year without him. I spent the day running kids to Sunday School, church, and to a skate party put on by the Sunday School. This left me way too much time to think and worry. Tomorrow he is leaving for North Dakota for a few days to visit his grandparents. I have been encouraging him to make this trip, insisting he go. It is important for others to be able to spend time with him, as much as I want him all to my self this last month. I feel so insecure right now, like we need to be together every second of every day we have left because who knows, these might be our last. Those who have been through the deployment process before would either know exactly what I am feeling, or think I must be the clingy helpless type wife. Quite the opposite. I am the strong one, the "glue that holds our family together", my husband once said. I am independant and self sufficient, but I feel like I am on the verge of experiencing a profound loss. Jayson says that as soon as he is gone, I will probably be okay, and I know he is right...I will be. I feel like the anxiety leading up to this is going to be the worst part. We'll see. My worries now are focused on a year of lonely nights, then the changes we will be facing as the year draws to an end. I tend to worry about the what-ifs and what the future holds, and not focus on the here and now. This is something I really need to work on. Jayson says we need to enjoy this month, and not make it miserable with all the energy being wasted on worry. He is so right, but it is so hard. Today is April 27. Jayson leaves on May 27. I feel like the clock is ticking...and there's no stopping it...
2 comments:
I love your post. good luck with everything!
anonymousgirlsconfessions.blogspot.com
oh terri i know how hard this is i have been through it many times as a mom it is never easy!! but u guys r my friends and family and i will help u get through it my jason has decide to move back home will be the new army rect. for big T which doing that he will get his family back home and will not have to do a deployment again for awhile FUNNY HE WOULD RATHER BE TRAINING AND IN THE FIELD!! yes it lifted alot of stress but another good thing is he will also be here for u and the kids and noone understands more than he does and believes in what they r doing with all his heart and is willing to give his life for it as much as we hurt BE PROUD!!! AND THANK GOD OUR SOLIDERS R STRONG AND BRAVE AND R KEEPING THE WAR OFF OUR SOIL! OUR CHILDREN HAVE RUNNING WATER AND SCHOOLS AND R ABLE TO PLAY OUTSIDE WITH OUT THE FEAR OF BEING BOMBED AND KILLED WHAT UGLINESS YES OUR SOLIDERS R DYING AND IT TEARS AT MY HEART I CRY IF I KNOW THEM OR NOT AND FOR THIER FAMILIES! THEY R WILLING TO GIVE THIER LIFE FOR THIS FIGHT!! IT HAS TO BE KEPT OFF OF OUR SOIL AND THEY KNOW THAT! PRAY FOR ALL OF THEM AND THIER FAMILIES AS IT TEARS EVERYONE'S WHOLE FAMILY APART! JAYSON WILL COME HOME SAFE REMEMBER THAT!
bye the way will u send me your regular e-mail--long story
I LOVE ALL OF U AND I WILL HELP U GET THROUGH THE YEAR SO WILL MY JASON DEB
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