September 28, 2008

We had a great time in Casper. It was nice getting away from all our responsibilities, if only for a day or two!

We met up with my sister, Traci, and brother, Donny "Joe" and my sister in law, Heidi for lunch. Later that day we went "treasure hunting" with Donny and Heidi, and my sister, Tiffini and brother in law, Tyson. The kids had a blast. They all got out their metal detectors and hunted around by an old bridge by the river. They found many treasures including an old bullet casing, some "tetanus rods" (rusty nails, a few old pull tab pop tops, and a few coins. The oldest coin was from the 80's (that is 1980's!) and the newest was a 2008 penny Tyson planted for Regan to find...I don't know whether she fell for it or not, as soon as she dug it up, she said "That sure is a shiny penny!" The kids had a great time, and helped take all of our minds off the stressful events of the past few weeks.

Now we are back home, and time to get back into the swing of things! I will be going to Casper on Thursday for a memorial service for the soldier from Jayson's team who was killed. I am sure that will be difficult, but it is important that I, and all of the other wives and family members, be there to show our support and unity for his family.

I am worried a lot lately, and if I don't hear from Jayson for a few days, I start to get nervous. I can't imagine what it must be like to have that knock on the door. It terrifies me, and I think I would just not answer it. If you don't answer, they can't tell you. I am sure that isn't something I should be worrying about, but it is hard not to. 8 more months...

September 23, 2008

This last week was emotionally difficult. Our beloved veterinarian, the wonderful man who took care of Jack when he was sick, and all of our other animals for the past several years that we have lived in this town, passed away. He will be terribly missed by so many people, and I was devastated to hear of his passing. Dr. Kerr was one of a kind, a person with amazing compassion and love for animals, and one of the best people I have had the pleasure of knowing. My heart is sad.

One of the men on Jayson's team was killed last week. This is heartbreaking as well, and hits very close to home. My heart goes out to his entire family, and I wish them peace and strength in the coming days, months, and years. I can't put into words the feelings of fear, sadness, and anger I have felt these past few days. I have been flooded with emotions from fear, to relief, then to sadness and guilt, then back to fear, and on to worry, and I am left exhausted. Today I had a hard time at work. I don't know why it all hit me like it did, but it hit me hard. I had to leave for a few hours just so I could go have a good cry, and try to get myself put back together. My mind was in such a bad place, and I felt like I had no control of my thoughts. Not a pleasant feeling. I guess I just needed some time to myself to let myself cry, and not have to be strong for anyone. After a few hours I was able to get back to work, and I am feeling okay now.

The kids and I have decided that we need to get away. We are planning on going to Casper for the weekend. We will stay at a hotel so the kids can swim. We will be away from our responsibilities, and hopefully have a fun relaxing weekend. My poor kids haven't had much fun since Jayson left. It seems like it has been all business since he left, and that isn't fair to them. This last week has just made me realize that I need to add some fun into our lives, and slow down every now and then to just appreciate and enjoy each other's company. Never let a day go by without letting those around you know how important they are to you.

September 15, 2008

Happy 15th anniversary to Jayson and me. He sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and the card made me cry. Sheesh, I miss that guy...

September 13, 2008

Jayson has been gone for a month now. One down, 9 1/2 to go! We are all doing well, the kids and I are staying busy and Jayson calls every few days. Wyatt is having a hard time sleeping, so I am going to talk to his doctor to see if there is something we can do to try and help him out. He is really missing Jayson, and worries constantly. It is hard to see him sad. I tell him that I miss his dad too, and that we will write him emails and letters so he knows how muchg we miss him. It helps Wyatt to be able to write to him, but the phone calls, he lives for those.

The school is trying to help our kids out too. They have started a group with my 3 kids, and one more boy who's dad is also in Afghanistan. At this time, they are the only ones who have a deployed parent. These kids get to go and talk about their dads and how they are doing and how they are feeling. I hope this helps them cope. Sometimes kids won't open up completely at home, so maybe this can help them sort through their feelings. They are also having the school groups make up care packages, and our kids get to be involved in that. This way they can feel special when they are struggling with their feelings inside.

Morgan got his hardship (drivers license at 14). He is pretty proud of it! It is very strange having my little boy driving a car! He gets braces on Monday, so there are a lot of changes happening, and it makes me sad to realize Jayson is missing all of it. I do send him pictures of everything we do, and of course sent this picture of Morgan with his license as soon as we got it in the mail!